In support of my last entry:

So,

Since Obama was elected president to the "land of the free", one thing seems evident. Every extremist, right-winged pundit, "patriot", ultra-christian in this country has completely gone off their fucking rocker. Now, I'm not going to sit here and defend Barak, because if there's one thing he seems to be good at (as far as I can tell) it's not paying enough attention to the bullshit so he can focus on what he thinks needs to get done.

I'm not a politically minded individual. I don't really know much about politics but I do understand that in order for anything to change for the better, we, as a nation, need to let go of some of our status quo. And that is something that people are just NOT. GOING. TO DO. It's disheartening. Anyone who has had change in their lives knows that if you want shit to change, you have to let go of some shit. Sometimes, it's some pretty serious shit. But you have to let go!! Has it occurred to any of the people in the upper tax brackets who we've asked to pay higher taxes that the reason you have homeless people on the street and dont' have anywhere to put them is because you're too cheap to pay a higher tax, adjust your cost of living, which would MAYBE mean cutting back your spa days to twice a month instead of 4 times a month, that we might be a bit better off? No?? Of course not.

I'm so tired of hearing of the Republicans in congress sitting on their hands not allowing anything to pass from the president's new policies, etc, and in essence, keeping the country stagnant and rotting in ignorance. I'm just done. And yet, all I can do is blog about it. I want to believe that people are in essence "good". But then you get people that vote for hate, and stand in the way of change, and the opportunity for something better.

I'm just saddened to know that this country truly is tanking and that the people in the way of it, can't see what the fuck they're doing.

/Rant

So this is 3rd time it happened.
And you know what they say about 3rd times...

I take the train.  I usually sit by a window.  So, when the train gets crowded, I make the seat free next to me that's usually being occupied by my purse.  When the train slows as we near my stop, I usually excuse myself to the person sitting next to me, and wait to detrain. 

Twice I had people sitting next to me who, as I was excusing myself , replied with "I'm getting up too".  Which is weird, because neither of them "got up" nor made any move to get up as the train was pulling in (I like to get up while the train is slowing).  This, needless to say, was pretty unnerving.  For some reason, I let these bitches dictate when I was going to leave my seat.   I was so shocked at the first one and the second one just pissed me off.  But what if I had explosive diarrhea or some shit (pun intended) and had to make a run to the restroom?  Who the fuck are you to keep me in my seat?

Someone did it again this morning.  

Tangent/ I was blessed with inheriting the talent of  "the look" from my mother. /Tangent

I said "Excuse me". 
She said "I'm getting up too" (clearly she was not).
I simultaneously gave her "the look" and said "uh-huh".  
She was up pretty quickly. 

So, I'm in the "deer-caught-in-headlights" phase right now.  I'm freaking out in my own little way, am still taking it all in, I totally need to start working with the music and all that.  And somehow, I know it'll be fine. 

This is the most amazing thing I've undertaken and is a self-fulfilling prophecy, if you will, in that I'm totally going to bust every wall that's ever existed in my life with this project.  Wiiiiiide open!!!  I'm going blind into something I kind of know and have no idea how it's going to turn out and I'm just letting it happen.  That makes me happy. 

In case you have or haven't heard, I'm starting a Gospel Choir.

This is a decision built out of pure universe-lining-shit-up-and smackin'-me-upside-the-head type of deals.  I've wanted to start a Gospel choir for a long time.  I've just never acted on it because...well...This shit is hard!

The idea is 3 weeks old and I'm like a deer in the headlights.  I'm working out exercises, trying to choose tunes adn the like, and for a catechism goin, no gospel singin' Catholic such as myself, you can imagine that the task is daunting. 

On the other hand, I can see that I've been blessed beyond belief with friends and people who want to help, have offered their contacts, just want to be involved somehow, and again.  I'm overwhlmed.  It is obvious to me that this is supposed to happen.  Oh lord, is this gonna be a journey. 

I already knew that the choir would be inter-faith and that our message would be relgious tolerance and peace within minutes of the idea dropping in my lap.  Very hippy-crunchy ideals, I know.  But I love gospel music, and though I wasn't grown up in it, gospel does something to me that my beloved jazz can do...but on a much larger and "socially acceptable" scale.  I may quite literally lose my mind getting caught up in the music.  And that, folks, is something I think everyone can benefit from.  Getting caught up in something other than hate, stupidity and (insert your negative issue here).  I'm a bleeding heart liberal.  I admit it.  But I think I'll even soften up some of you conservative peoples as well.  We all need a break from the stupidity.  Because it hurts.

Getting you white poeple to sing will be a task...But I'll have you soundin' like bruthas and sistas before you know it!  Ha! 

...I don't know how to complete that sentence, actually.

I refuse to say I'm getting "old".  I'm getting wiser.
I won't say hungry, because the truth is, I just want pastry.
I will say slimmer, because, I actually am, though it's not as apparent at the moment, but losing this kind of weight on this body works in mysterious (though satisfying) ways.  Thank you Kung Fu..
I won't say crochety-er, because the proper phrase is "I don't put up with as much shit".

...happier.  Well, that works.  Because even though I currently am not in my perfect profession, or in a relationship with someone who "gets" me, or not currently in accord with my finances...I seem to be awfully happy.   And this is recent.  I mean, like I noticed it truly and deeply for the first time at the beginning of the week.  I sang at CSL on Sunday, and I sang from somewhere that hasn't seen the light in a damn long time.  And people knew.  People could "feel" it.  Quite literally.   I am growing and becoming someone that I can't wait to finally meet.  Don't get me wrong, this ain't no "pod people" shit.  It's simply a 'growth spurt'....for lack of a better term.  And it's pretty awesome.  Scary, but awesome.  Lots of things are at stake here.  Lots of stuff...
 

....how much less tolerant you get the older you are??

Well, I speak for myself, and I can tell you I most certainly have.

I went to a meeting of the KLAS (Knitting and Liquor Appreciation Society) last night, and got to meet some knitters I've met through Ravelry, which is a knitting community thingy.  For lack of a better description.  Anyway, I got to meet 8 other people last night, some of which I never knew.  Very fun and worth the price of a Guinness.   But one of the ladies I met last night, was just such a downer.  It was just a drag.   I kinda felt sorry for her, because she couldn't do anything but complain about how unhappy she is.  She actually blames her husband for making her gain weight since he likes to cook.  Now, most women I know would be over the moon about this fact, but she simply doomed herself to the fact that as long as her husband cooks, and apparently not necessarily healthily, she's doomed to be overwheight...as she snacked on a platter of chicken tenders and fries.  

In some ways it seems hypocritical to write about this, me being overweight and all, but at the same time, I just wanted to get in her face and say "WAAHHH FUCKIN' WAHHH!"  Mostly because she was blaming her husband for something she has complete control over.   Is that bad?? 

I've learned that blaming people for your shortcomings gets you nowhere and I wanted to lecture the hell out of her, but thankfully, I wasnt' in the mood.  But it made speaking with her on subjects other than knitting a bit difficult.

So,

I had a birthday.  Had a blast.  I'm 42 and have been calling myself  "the answer" for the entire time.  I have had more fun this birthday than most I can remember.  It's been totally awesome.  I am totally amazed at the wonderful array of friends I keep company with and am thankful for each and every one of them.  I am truly blessed and God dammit.  People like me!!  Woot!!

The only thing that has been giving me grief is the doldrums of the position I hold during the day.  I am not long for this post.  I know it.  I FEEL it.  I really do, and it's not a fear of being laid off or fired (though I have played with the idea of "getting myself fired" for a while now).  It's not nearly as involved or complicated.  I know one day soon, and I know not when, where I will simply  need to leave the job more than I need to retain it.  It scares me shitless and also produces the most profound feelings of joy and freedom.  Until said time, I am left to strategize and make great leaps and bounds into my next "thing".  It's a good thing, it's an interesting thing, and I think it's a thing that will work.  For reals.  Just have to learn to organize myself and keep the focus, man.  I mean, really for reals...and I think I could also help some of my fellow musicians in the process. 

I hate when my brain "defaults" to negative shit, when I'm moving steadily forward.
It serves to do nothing but stop me in my tracks.  Fuck!!

...the trick is, not to let it...yay me!!!

Well, for the 2 of you that regualarly check up to see if anything is new, I at least have new words for you to read.

So, what's up with me??

Well, I took a vocal styles class with a guy named Joshua Finkel, who a friend of mine here at work has been trying to get me to sing for for almost a year.  Had it this past weekend.  It was fun, it was awesome, but was more of a way to make a serious career connection.  And what a connection!!  He and I took to each other quite quickly.  He was very impressed with my talent!  Good lord, how do I do it?   He does coaching over the phone, over Skype and am anxiuos to work with the dude.  Nevertheless, he's awesome, he's awesome, and I've already gotten some sage advice from him.   I am seriously starting to call and look for agents here in the Bay Area for vocals AND voice over gigs.   FINALLY!!  GAH!!

Kung Fu, the study of kickin' ass, so as not ever having to kick ass, IS KICKIN' MY ASS!!  I'm about to test for my next belt (yellow) which will be sprung on me like a jack-in-the-box at the instructors whim.  In the mean time, I review, I work on technique, I kick, I punch, I bitch, I Claudius.  I need a hots tubby...Hopefully to gets me at lest 2 good soaks in before the week is out.

I read recently on Kurt Elling's page (I'm a new Kurt Elling fan-girl from hell) in the FAQ's, someone had asked him what's the best way to become a better singer?  His reply, was to just sing, sing everywhere and sing often.  I have decided that the man is right.  I, who used to hate to listen to any recording of herself (audio or visual), is realizing that I have markedly improved my musicality, my voice, and my range as a singer entirely by gigging regularly with JCT and taking gigs anywhere and everywhere I am able.  I can actually say, I'm a better singer than I was last year.  I hear it, I feel it, (and doggone it, people like me) and it's totally awesome. 

Yes.  I'm still here at Stanford, but I noticed something recently.  When the gigs are going good, I have been consistently making good money on the weekend doing JCT gigs, singing backup in church, weddings, or what have you.  I plan on keeping this up, and when I am able, cut back my hours for some part-time workity work.  So, that's something to keep me motivated.  Yes, I'm still looking for another band, and JCT knows of my doing so.  Unfortunately, the economic downturn, has sort of blindsided a couple of the guys that I wanted to use.  So, I'm back to square one for the time being.   The jazz album will be discussed this weekend with my mentor/pianist (my mother says I need to pronounce this as "pee-an-o-ist", becuase it sounds too much like "penis"....ahem) and talk tunes, and arrangements and all that.  So, that's still on the books.  I will keep y'all informed. 

Other than that, I'm doin'....pretty freakin' good!   :)

I've been running around and passing out, then running around, then taking time off, then running around.

It's a never ending thingy.  So here's a list of things:

1)  I find I like Kung Fu more than I thought I would.
2)  It's cool that I have awesome instructors.
3)  I'm making a jazz album, hoping to start recording Jan/Feb 2010
4)  That is if I'm not doing a musical.
5)  I have also decided to start another band...funk, I think.
6)  I have a lot of music selection to do...and learn...and compose
7)  Whee!!
8)  I'm not a fan of teeth molds.
9)  I'm tired.
10)  yeah, that's all.

Until next time...

So, after turning down a gig for the Italian Tenor I do backups for because I already had one, I was asked about the Jack Conway Trio, and to send information to this woman who represents the Italian Tenor I sing backups for.   It was already in my signature in all my emails, but I sent it to her again and didn't think much of it.  She also asked if I had a personal website and if so, could I send her the link.  I don't.  Yet.  But then I just asked if she was looking for acts, and she says her company is opening up to represent other artists.  So, I've been asked for my musical resume, gave her the lowdown of where I am with my music, and it looks like she has a genuine interest into representing me.  She knows how I sound already, so it's almost a done deal.  I just need to get certain things going now...YIKES!! 

Find photos,
find mp3's and sound bites
write bio
get more gigs
get more musicians
Holy fuck it's happening...
Hold on, bitches...

In case you didn't know....
I sing jazz.  I sing it well, and there that is. 

I've decided I need to separate myself from the group that got me singing again after moving back to the Bay Area.   I think it's time, and I think I have everything I need to do it.  So, there THAT is.  I'm going to make my own album.  Without having established another band, per se, I have several musicians who simply want to play with me.  So, I've decided to take them up on their offer. 

I've recently been going to a studio to record backups for a friend.  The producer thought I'd be a good singer for another project, and I booked it.  I'll be singing an album of kids songs for a dude in NYC.  Hot.  But the point of this paragraph is, this guy's studio is less than 10 minutes away (not during rush hour) and he's got a state of the art studio.  Small, but state of the art, and with everything I need to record.  I haven't gotten his rates yet, but I won't be recording until just around the holidays into 2010.  I've got my pianist from Humboldt County and this makes me very, very happy.  I'll only need drums and bass, and I think I just may have to use the dudes I already play with and switch off with some of these new guys too.
 
I've started composing again (doing back flips in my brain) which makes me so very happy, I can't even see straight.  I've already got 2 songs more than 3/4 the way done.  I love this. In songwriting class @ Berklee, my teacher called me a "good hooker".  I was going to ask him how he knew, then I realized he was talking about my ability to make a catchy "hook" in a tune.  I apparently still have this talent.   So, I'll have 2-3 originals, 1 tune I do wtih the keys only, and the rest will be a selection of standards and gems that haven't seen much of the light of day for a while in the repertoire.  I'm very excited. 

When you get called to your manager's office and you are partially praying that you'll be let go...

...it's probably time to start "cleaning up" and making plans to move on.

Ya think??

I've been here for 2 solid days now.  I can now say I'm stress free. 

Things I've enjoyed while behind the curtain:

Looking at the ocean on the drive up to my friends house to celebrate Easter. 
A 4 hour post-Easter brunch nap.  
A visit with a friend who wasn't doing so hot, but was healed by my presence...and our music (OMG...our music!!!)
Los Bagels (Slug with CC, Lox, Tom, RedOnion and Larrupin...yum!!)
Ramones (Better than Peet's)
A walk on the Eureka Boardwalk.  It was a particularly blustery day. So much so the cormorants were having problems staying upright.  The sea lions were lazily swimming about.

I have one more day left.  I will be visiting my voice guru and HOPEFULLY getting a pedi (I forgot how "sleepy town feel" it can be up here).
I'm going to visit the one yarn store I know to be here, though I think I passed another on my way out of Old Town.  I'll go back and check it out. 

I am reminded how easily I can get sucked back into the life here.  If I didn't already have a plan for my future, I'd move back here in a second. But I have a lot to do before I can just drop it all.  I prefer to lay it down knowing I've done what I wanted to do and feel I've earned my way back here.  But with that said, I know I'll be back here someday.  I just know it. 

In 48 hours from now, I anticipate to be in and/or around Ukiah.  That's the plan. 
I'm stickin' to it.

I hate pre-travel planning as in addition to remaining pretty sane and thinking, I gotta throw another quart of oil in the engine, fill the tires and do laundry, come the other stresses about travelling in general.  You know, the "what if I'm caught under or on a bridge when a quake hits, or what if ther are a bunch of assholes on the road, or what if the sky falls on my head"?  I mean, these are some serious things folks!  I won't get any sleep Friday night.  It is what it is.  But it's gonna take more than a  quake or the sky falling to keep me out of Humboldt County. 

For shizzle!! 

Even though I'm finally over the hump of my exhaustion/illness, and start to feel normal and fine, and even happy, I am reminded by 2 good friends that not all is hunky dory. 

So, I've finally found the phrase that best describes what it is I'm looking for in a mate.

Nerdy, geeky, talented and freaky.

That is all.

...about what people think. 

I'm going to stop doing that.

So, I sort mail every now and again, and it hadn't been done, so it's quiet in the office.  70% of the staff is up in Napa doing a little retreat as it were.  This woman came in (B for bitch) and started talking to this other lady (O for other) and they start talking.  I guess they go out together from time to time.  Bully for them.  They're yakking it up about the weekend and what they're going to do. Whatever, I go about my business and the following takes place:

**DISCLAIMER**   
B woman is a classic bitch, feigns friendliness and concern, and gets away with murder.  She is blond (which generally isn't a factor, but just hear me out...)

B: “(blah, blah, blah)…well I already saw Wicked, but bought tickets to Spamalot”.

O: “Oh, it’s a scream! You’ll love it!”

B: “Yeah, but you know what I really wanna see?”

O: “What?”

B: “Porgy and Bess!”

…wait for it….
(cue to darkie in 3
….2
….1)

B: (she turns a 180 to me) “Oh, you’re familiar with it aren’t you??”

::facepalm::