Log in

Things I've learned...

...just before I turned 43.

Men are pretty much the weaker sex.  Sure they have developed, muscular man boobs with pert nipples, amazing upper body strength and sexy arms and all that shit, but the only reason they get their way is because they stomp around and scream a lot.  Not unlike a toddler.  After having been put in their place more than once by women (like we are wont to do with children), they had to put a stop to it.  I'm not man bashing, so much as just reiterating the fact that I will never allow a man to dictate who the fuck I am again.  Nor put up with him acting like a toddler in my presence.

Bitching has it's place and it's best done infrequently.  Everyone has problems.  But there is a time to share and an even bigger time NOT to share.  One of these times NOT to share is in the workplace.  I'm so sick of hearing about people's personal lives and stuff's not going the way you want it...I don't see you outside of work.  I don't care.  Please shut up. 

My filters?? Disappearing at an alarming rate!  Please reference the above.

I don't have time for doubt.  Doubt is just an aggravated 'maybe'.  It's yes, or no.  I'm still working on this one.

It really is ALL about WHO YOU KNOW...This saddens me to a degree, but I'm glad to have been introduced to some of the right people.

Life without kittehs is empty.

I like musicals.  Otherwise I wouldn't do them.  Duh!

Passion is a must. 

Friends are essential and to be treasured. 

Going around with a good attitude beats going around miserable ANY. EFFING. DAY!!

I'm a bit of a perv.  And I like it.

...that is all...

Happy Birthday Weekend to Moi!!  :)


My philosophy has changed...

I went to buy a pack of mints this afternoon. I was trying to pass on a Sacajawea(?) dollar. Though they're not popular, legal tender is legal tender. The lady behind the counter said "uh, so no paper bills?" to which my reply was a vacant stare into her face. "Say what, now?" "You have no bills?". I replied with more disbelief, "Say what, now?" "They're just hard to count." referring to the gold toned coin. For this, there was no reply though I did offer to pay in quarters, and she says, "No, it's alright."

Stupid burns.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.


Happy Birthday, Dad!!

It was 91 years ago yesterday my father (RIP) was born upon this earth.

Yesterday I was really very busy and didn't give the actual day much thought, though I did think of him...for a second at the service the choir was performing at.  Yesterday my sister, my 3 nieces and 1 grand niece all went to the WWII memorial in D.C. and brought a picture of him, sat at the memorial  with toffee peanuts and vanilla wafers and regaled stories of their father/grandfather.   My dad had a 'thing" for these nasty vanilla wafers and toffee peanuts.

Oh, how I wish I could have been there.  My day was so packed full of stuff to do, and after 8 hours of go, go, go was pretty tired, and my brain went more towards "shut down" than celebration. 

So, a day late, but...

Happy Birthday, Daddy.  I love you!!



WooHOo, W00t,  and HOoooooooDoggy!!!


Letting go...A new philosophy??

So...I started a gospel choir.  When I started this choir, I went into what pretty much would resemble a panic attack.  However, I was equal parts panicked, and excited.  Something new, and big and exciting, and I"m going to be at the front of it all...with some key people, mind you.   Needless to say, the beginning of this journey was fraught with nerves, tension, doubt and all that 'good' stuff.  Well, after a few rehearsals and our first gig, something happened.  I just stopped.  I stopped being afraid, and just allowed the process of this choir have a life of it's own.  I let go.  It's been a great thing.  I don't panic, I look forward to rehearsals, and I realize every time we do rehearse what a blessing it is that I am a part of it.  Since this occurrence, we've booked more gigs, and made our first $900 this past weekend.  So far, so good.

I'm also coming up on my first year of martial arts.  I mention this because I had to do a lot of letting go before I started Kung Fu.  I had to let go of the fallacy that I couldn't become a martial artist, that I wasn't able to do the things that were requried of me, and that I wouldn't advance.  My Blue Belt scoffs at such nonsense (*scoffs*)  Also, this past week, I was introduced to tai chi sparring.  Which at it's core is about letting go.  It's done with the eyes closed which completely shuts off a good 70% of everything upon which we rely and challenges you to use your (excuse me while I 'whip my geek out')... "force" (for lack of another word) in relation to your opponent.  Advancing and yielding.  It was pretty cool, I have to say. 

So, letting go is proving itself to be a very beneficial part of my life in this chapter...or should I say, at the end of  this chapter...as I've started writing a new one. 


It's always about me...right??

I have a manager who inadvertently "accused" me of not following through on patinet calls, and a doctor who basically ignores me.

This is the truth. 

The other side of this coin is that the Manager was simply stating, as she was asking me to take on someone else's patient calls, to make sure they were followed through.  This wasn't ANY sort of sleight against me because I've been told by my docs that their patients are very appreciative...also, from the gifts they give me during the holidays.  I think I tend to follow through. 

The doctor who ignores me, inherited another doctors ENTIRE CASELOAD OF PATIENTS (a literal DOUBLING of his already busy load) and has sort of fallen into what I call a "coma" because we are not communicating as we did when he had his own patinet load.  The thing here is that each patinet comes with a required amount of paperwork.  So, double the patients, double the paperwork.  He doens't have time to come chat.

Yet, for some reason, I choose to find time to be offended by this. 
Fortunately, I'm too tired to even try to make this into a mini-drama for myself today, and avoided making this a bad day.

I think the upshot of this, is that I am learning that...wait for it....
...EVERYTHING is not about me...
I KNOW!!  Weird, right?

I like to think I'm a pretty non-snobby, non-judgemental (still working on this), not an egoist, and pretty easy to be around/get along with.  But every now and again, I'll hear some office whispering and ASSUME (insert the usual joke here) they're whispering about me (I think this is more because I can't hear them, and it pisses me off) and then my manager will say soemthing like: "...and make sure that you follow the calls through completely." that this is some sort of snub and I'm on about "Who said I don't follow through?"  "Why would someone say that?"  So it gets me thinking, that even though I'm all cute and fuzzy and all that, I have some more mental garbage to be rid of.   At least it's not too toxic.  It's just kind of silly. 


All week, I have taken calls that have me wanting to scream/laugh and just say What the Fuck in the middle of the office.. 

I answer the phone, I announce myself, and the patient starts talking. 

The perfect call goes like this, and is over usually within a minute, unless, I have to track someone/thing down:

Me:  Radiation Oncology, Dr. Bloo's office, can I help you?
Patient: Hi my name is Mr./Ms. HooHah.  Here is my point. Can you help?
Me: Yes, let me transfer you.../yes, your appointment is.../sure, I can help you with that.

All this freakin' week:
Me:  Radiation Oncology, Dr. Bloo's office, can I help you?
Patient: Hi my name is Mr./Ms. HooHah. This happened yesterday, I had this done a year ago, he told me to do this, but also I have a cat that does that too, and then this guy comes in, and something about an appointment.
Me:  ....uh.  So you need an appointment?
Patinet: NO!! I need to get the result to my lab!!!

What the ever-loving-FUCK!!??!!

A list for list's sake...

1)   I'm freakin' tired
2)   I know what to do about this.  It involves 5 days in Humboldt County.  This is the only place I have found that I can truly and entirely decompress.  End of February.  I await patiently.
3)   I also know that I must change my diet to efficiently support my current method of getting in shape.  This is not hard, it's simply a matter of buying the food.  This takes time.  Time I haven't made myself due to either a false sense of "why can't I eat whatever I want if I work out" and wanting to sleep instead of go to the supermarket.  Vicious cycle, I tell ya.
4)   I want to get this habit up and running, and have already incorporated some fantastically good things.  It only takes 2 weeks to get a good habit going in the right direction. 
5)   I'm talking to a boy!  Whee! 
6)   I'm gonna have lunch now (please hold)

Hum to yourself for about 3 seconds...

7)   Ahhh...
8)   I hate the way the guy behind me smacks his lips while eating his food with his MOUTH OPEN....gah...
9)   I ain't got nothin' for nine..
10) 10 neither...

I don't know what to title this post...

...without sounding a bit like some new age douche.

Change.  I saw another blogger post about the changes they had in the past year, and believe I've had a fair amount of it myself.   I'm rehearsing my choir for the first time tonight.  I would, usually approach this situation in sheer, abject panic, live my day in fear, and irrational thought and bullshit.  I have no such thoughts or feelings, and am so calm, I feel I SHOULD panic about SOMETHING.  But I can't.  I won't.   I realize that I made a lot of choices that year that made me re-think how I act and feel and go about my day.   I guess I finally realized that panicking about shit, does nothing to prepare you any better, and it raises your blood pressure.   Fuck that noise.

I started Kung Fu.  For me!  Not becuase I wanted to look better (though I do want to improve my general shape), not because I want a date (though I'm working on that too...just not from the physical aspect of things), I did it for...wait for it...ME!  Me, me, me, me.  Something I don't do a lot.  Things for myself.  Well, an occasional massage, but something that is truly life altering.   I want something from Kung Fu that I didn't know I wanted.  I want strength, fitness and vitality.   I've not wished this for myself before.  Yay me!

I have come to the conclusion that though my job is currently necessary, I will make more moves to help me get out of this job than I will make to keep it this year.
I stopped whining.  I don't complain so much...or at least I think I don't.  I may complain from time to time about trivial things, but not about my life, or what's wrong with me, or any of that crap.  Because nothing's wrong with my life, or myself.  It's to the point, I don't wanna hear anybody else complain.  Complaining is good time wasted.  Something I don't seem to have much of, is time.  Ergo...

So, yeah.  Change.  Good stuff. 

So...A new year, huh??

Well, we all have good years, and not so good years. This one didn't completely suck at all. Generally, really positive and I have no idea what this next one has in store for me. I have my goals and intentions written down and have started "intending". This year, I'm going to go better...and a little bigger.
In no particular order:

Find me a man (or something)
Get the choir standing up and running
Organize my gull durned apartment
iMac. I wantz one.
Get on a more consistent, solid Fu practice schedule
Apply "thrive diet" with "meat options" (thanks R)...and watch me melt away.
Sing at Yoshi's
Become a full-time musician
Find kinky people

...and that's just a few. Pretty cool, I must say.

Whatever you will be doing this weekend, and the year following, may it be prosperous, happy and filled with good times...good times.